The Dynamics of the Nipple

Recently I’ve found myself immensely bewildered by our society’s turning of an innocuous and otherwise unassuming body part into a subject of international debate and spectacle. Most people tend to think that it started with Janet Jackson, but I like to think it started off with the Batman movie, yeah you know, the one where Clooney runs around in a suit with nipples sculpted onto them. But you know when I saw this I was actually surprised, no not because there’s something weird about there being nipples on a batsuit, but because, as far as I could tell, comic books had always been against displaying nipples. All these guys and girls running around in skin tight spandex suits and you expect me to believe there was never a single nipple revelation? Hell even the shirtless scenes seem to have a chronic case of nipple absenteeism. I mean come on. How stupid do you think we are?

And then came along Janet. Now if you were to ask me, I’d say it was planned. Not because she flashed a boob, no, but because, if you look carefully at the screen grab of the thing, you will notice the conspicuous ABSENCE of a nipple. There is instead, a star, some kind of a nipple ring over the thing. Now again, here I was surprised. No, not because I had a boob in front of me but because there was instead, a star. Why a star? Is it because she wanted to be seen as a star? Want her own star on the walk of fame? Or was it some kind of wish, to get marched off to the gas chamber?

And so that launched the trend. But the press has taken it too far you see, no… I honestly believe that many of these cases are genuine accidents. I mean, after all, the celebrity nipple is something like Haley’s comet, you see it once in your lifetime and never again. And why do I think they were accidents? No star! Not even the even more bewildering phenomenon known as nipple tape. Now, why would you ever want to do that to your nubs? And this raises another compelling thought: The fact that the fashion world regards the exposure of a nipple as one of the grossest things you can do on the ramp, those same people have no qualms about showing every other inch of the woman’s boob! (or for that matter, about 99% of the rest of her body!) Talk about tough love… why so mean with something as friendly-sounding as... ‘nipple’?

Ponderously yours,

WittyWanker